Emotional roller coaster

If you're reading this, I'm sure you're aware that Carmen Renleigh Atkins came into our lives on Friday, September 12, 2008 at 7:59 am weighing 8 lbs 5 oz and measuring 19.75 in.

She is amazing.

I was prepared in a sense that I had gathered most of the supplies we needed to have a new baby in the house. Plenty of diapers and clothes (understatement), all the needed baby gear, but I wasn't at all prepared for the emotional aspect of entering into motherhood. The tears have been flowing fast and furious ever since we brought her home from the hospital and I think the rush of emotions has kept my from writing anything until now. I look at Carmen and I'm just completely overwhelmed. I honestly did not know that I had the capacity to love anyone this much. I cry because the days are going by so fast and she changes so much each day. I just don't want to miss a second of it. I cry because I'm terrified that she will roll over in her sleep and suffocate and I won't be there to help her. I cry because five weeks from now I'll have to go back to work and won't be with her all day. I cry because my om will go home to Ohio on Saturday and I hate the fact that Carmen won't grow up close to that Grandma. Needless to say, the hormones are having quite an effect on me. Brad is worried, and I guess I am too, a little, but we'll just have to ride it out, and hopefully I'll start to even out as I recover.

Brad has been amazing throughout the whole process. I think I've kind of fallen in love with him all over again. He is so good with Carmen, and his experience having already been the Daddy to a new baby once, is invaluable. We were released from the hospital last Monday and Brad had to return to work on Tuesday. It took everything in his power to push through that day of work because he was so upset that he wasn't with Carmen. He actually went to work, loaded his truck, and then came back to the house before driving to Jeff City just so he could see her one more time.

Physically, I'm doing pretty well. I've lost almost 25 pounds, which makes it much easier to move around, and my incision is healing nicely. I still have a lot of abdominal pain, but it's just going to take a while to get those muscles healed. I'm off Vicadin and just taking super Motrin these days, which isn't quite as effective, but it'd got to be better for Carmen.

Carmen is a dream baby. Eat, sleep, poop, repeat. She has been sleeping through the night since she was five days old. I nurse her at 9:30 or 10 and have to wake her up at 5:30 or 6 to eat again. Yes, I fully realize how amazing that is. She woke up once last night for a feeding and a diaper, but it was no big deal. She doesn't even cry, really. Brad and I are truly blessed.

To everyone who has brought us food and offered to help out-thank you! We appreciate your kindness so much. To everyone who is still waiting to meet her, we appreciate your patience. We love seeing everyone and introducing Carmen, but visits just really wear me out right now. I'll be feeling better soon, and then Carmen and I will start making some visits of our own!

Please keep us in your prayers as we settle in with this new little Atkins.

Freaking out a little

With just hours to go until baby Carmen emerges, I'm a little, let's say "anxious". I believe that Oscar may be feeling it too because he's been pooping on the floor all day. He got very comfortable in Carmen's Boppy pillow yesterday and I was just too tired to stop him. He also enjoys the swing that the girls from work gave us. That little dog is in for a huge reality check!

I doubt that I'll get too much sleep tonight, so I'm not even going to try. I'll just doze in front of the TV and sleep if I sleep. We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am so I figure I need to get up at about 3:30 anyway. My bag is pretty much packed, and the house is in OK shape, but I keep thinking of things I need to do. At this point, I think it's time to give up. There isn't anything that I can't deal with later or ask Mom to help me with hen she gets here. I cannot wait until she's here!

I wish I had something more interesting to report, but I don't. Brad will email everyone and makes lots of calls once we get out of surgery tomorrow. Hopefully we'll have some news by 9:00 am or so. Please keep us in your prayers. Surgery is scary, but in this case, so worth it!

Love,
Amanda

Gettin' Ready for the Miracle....

When I was little, my mom directed the children's choirs at both churches we attended. Like me, Mom is a fan of the Children's Theater productions, and at both Wilkes Blvd. and Missouri United Methodist we performed a Christmas show called "Gettin' Ready for the Miracle". I've got a freakishly good memory, so I remember the lyrics to most of the songs from the show, and the lyrics to the title song have been running through my head like crazy lately. I'd say they're a pretty good descriptor of my life right now. We're at T minus five days and counting! Today was my last Sunday at church sans child and I found myself looking forward to stuff like taking her down front for the Children's Sermon, her baptism, and just her life in the church. I totally grew up a church kid with Sunday school, choir, bell choir, youth group...I was in to everything and loved it. What I didn't consciously realize was the huge effect being "raised" by the church was having on my life. I'm just really excited to be able to offer that to my daughter.
Brad and I will do our best to keep you updated as the week progresses. If you want to know what's going on, just call us!
Thanks for all the prayers and well-wishing!