Emotional roller coaster

If you're reading this, I'm sure you're aware that Carmen Renleigh Atkins came into our lives on Friday, September 12, 2008 at 7:59 am weighing 8 lbs 5 oz and measuring 19.75 in.

She is amazing.

I was prepared in a sense that I had gathered most of the supplies we needed to have a new baby in the house. Plenty of diapers and clothes (understatement), all the needed baby gear, but I wasn't at all prepared for the emotional aspect of entering into motherhood. The tears have been flowing fast and furious ever since we brought her home from the hospital and I think the rush of emotions has kept my from writing anything until now. I look at Carmen and I'm just completely overwhelmed. I honestly did not know that I had the capacity to love anyone this much. I cry because the days are going by so fast and she changes so much each day. I just don't want to miss a second of it. I cry because I'm terrified that she will roll over in her sleep and suffocate and I won't be there to help her. I cry because five weeks from now I'll have to go back to work and won't be with her all day. I cry because my om will go home to Ohio on Saturday and I hate the fact that Carmen won't grow up close to that Grandma. Needless to say, the hormones are having quite an effect on me. Brad is worried, and I guess I am too, a little, but we'll just have to ride it out, and hopefully I'll start to even out as I recover.

Brad has been amazing throughout the whole process. I think I've kind of fallen in love with him all over again. He is so good with Carmen, and his experience having already been the Daddy to a new baby once, is invaluable. We were released from the hospital last Monday and Brad had to return to work on Tuesday. It took everything in his power to push through that day of work because he was so upset that he wasn't with Carmen. He actually went to work, loaded his truck, and then came back to the house before driving to Jeff City just so he could see her one more time.

Physically, I'm doing pretty well. I've lost almost 25 pounds, which makes it much easier to move around, and my incision is healing nicely. I still have a lot of abdominal pain, but it's just going to take a while to get those muscles healed. I'm off Vicadin and just taking super Motrin these days, which isn't quite as effective, but it'd got to be better for Carmen.

Carmen is a dream baby. Eat, sleep, poop, repeat. She has been sleeping through the night since she was five days old. I nurse her at 9:30 or 10 and have to wake her up at 5:30 or 6 to eat again. Yes, I fully realize how amazing that is. She woke up once last night for a feeding and a diaper, but it was no big deal. She doesn't even cry, really. Brad and I are truly blessed.

To everyone who has brought us food and offered to help out-thank you! We appreciate your kindness so much. To everyone who is still waiting to meet her, we appreciate your patience. We love seeing everyone and introducing Carmen, but visits just really wear me out right now. I'll be feeling better soon, and then Carmen and I will start making some visits of our own!

Please keep us in your prayers as we settle in with this new little Atkins.

Freaking out a little

With just hours to go until baby Carmen emerges, I'm a little, let's say "anxious". I believe that Oscar may be feeling it too because he's been pooping on the floor all day. He got very comfortable in Carmen's Boppy pillow yesterday and I was just too tired to stop him. He also enjoys the swing that the girls from work gave us. That little dog is in for a huge reality check!

I doubt that I'll get too much sleep tonight, so I'm not even going to try. I'll just doze in front of the TV and sleep if I sleep. We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am so I figure I need to get up at about 3:30 anyway. My bag is pretty much packed, and the house is in OK shape, but I keep thinking of things I need to do. At this point, I think it's time to give up. There isn't anything that I can't deal with later or ask Mom to help me with hen she gets here. I cannot wait until she's here!

I wish I had something more interesting to report, but I don't. Brad will email everyone and makes lots of calls once we get out of surgery tomorrow. Hopefully we'll have some news by 9:00 am or so. Please keep us in your prayers. Surgery is scary, but in this case, so worth it!

Love,
Amanda

Gettin' Ready for the Miracle....

When I was little, my mom directed the children's choirs at both churches we attended. Like me, Mom is a fan of the Children's Theater productions, and at both Wilkes Blvd. and Missouri United Methodist we performed a Christmas show called "Gettin' Ready for the Miracle". I've got a freakishly good memory, so I remember the lyrics to most of the songs from the show, and the lyrics to the title song have been running through my head like crazy lately. I'd say they're a pretty good descriptor of my life right now. We're at T minus five days and counting! Today was my last Sunday at church sans child and I found myself looking forward to stuff like taking her down front for the Children's Sermon, her baptism, and just her life in the church. I totally grew up a church kid with Sunday school, choir, bell choir, youth group...I was in to everything and loved it. What I didn't consciously realize was the huge effect being "raised" by the church was having on my life. I'm just really excited to be able to offer that to my daughter.
Brad and I will do our best to keep you updated as the week progresses. If you want to know what's going on, just call us!
Thanks for all the prayers and well-wishing!

Birthday

It's official: Baby Carmen will be arriving on Friday, September 12, 2008 at 7:30 am by way of Cesarean section. It's not exactly the way we would've planned it, but the little bugger just isn't turning, and the whole manual turning thing doesn't sound like a good idea. The whole idea freaked me out at first, but now I'm getting used to it, and of course, I love the idea that I can put it on my calendar. I realize C-sections just aren't as big a deal as they used to be, but it will be my first operation, my first IV, my first real hospitalization-it's all just a little overwhelming.

So, for the next 18 days I will be wrapping stuff up at work and taking it as easy as possible. It may be time to turn the cable TV back on.......

Today's check-up

Today was our last scheduled sonogram for baby Carmen. We were excited to find out how big she's getting and what position she's in since we're less than five weeks from go time. It turns out that she is already about 6 lbs. 6oz., and she's breech. Dr. Morse is predicting that she'll be about an 8.5 lb baby if we go full term. Nate and I were both 7 and change, so that seems HUGE to me! Dr. Morse isn't concerned. We're giving Carmen until next Monday to get in position, and if she's still breech then, we'll make a serious plan about how to get her out. They can try to manually turn her if we want, but it hurts, only works half the time, and would mean I'd have to be induced right after they turned her because they'd likely damage the placenta. The other option is a c-section which is certainly NOT what I wanted, but might have to happen. In that case, she can be as big as she wants! I just hope all those cute 0-3 month outfits won't go to waste!
All in all, things are going OK. I feel tired and I wobble everywhere I go, but that's to be expected. It's been a strange week or so as my Grandpop passed away and we simultaneously look forward to Carmen's impending arrival. Makes a person do a lot of thinking about the cycle of life. I also learned this week that a former student of mine lost his battle with cancer last month. He would have been five next month. I only hope I can be a strong as his mom was throughout his illness and treatment. They are both in my prayers and I'd ask you to include them in yours as well.
I'll keep posting more info on Carmen's progress as it becomes available. We probably won't know anything before next week.

Love to all,
Amanda

Bit of a scare

I went to see Dr. Morse for my regular appointment today and had a little scare. I had stayed home from work because I'm STILL coughing and just didn't feel right. I got to the appointment and they weighed me and took my blood pressure as usual. I had lost 2 pounds which was weird, but not hugely weird because it's so hot. My blood pressure was 144/98 which is way high for me. They asked me what I'd bee doing all day and the answer was nothing. I'd been home resting all day-and not the resting where I do 5 loads of laundry including carrying all the baskets of clothes around. I truly rested!
So they sent me over to Labor & Delivery to run some tests and be monitored. I had told Brad to skip the appointment because nothing exciting ever happens, so he was home with Ethan. I called and filled him in and he was at the hospital in a matter of minutes. They admitted me and got me hooked up to the fetal monitor as well as a blood pressure monitor. My blood pressure stayed high until Brad arrived and then it got much lower with every reading. They did some blood work and everything came back normal, so they sent me home. By the time I left, my blood pressure was 122/66. Dr. Morse wants me to come back next Monday just to check on me and then we have our regular visit in two weeks which includes another sonogram to check on her growth.
All is well for now, but it kind of spooked me. I've never been in the hospital all hooked up to machines and what have you. I guess it's good that I got my first experience with that out of the way before labor starts.
I'm going to try to get some sleep now because I'm VERY tired, but I'll keep everyone posted if we have any more excitement.
By the way, we got to listen to baby Carmen's heart the whole time we were in the hospital and that was very cool. She's an extremely active little girl!

Completely overwhelmed with gratitude!

Richard, Meghan, Nate, Amanda, Krista, and Brad at the baby shower.

I really don't even know where to begin. Yesterday, my aunt Caryl and mother-in-law Rene threw me the most wonderful baby shower. We all met at my church in the parlors and visited, opened presents, and had lunch. It was absolutely delightful! I was thrilled not only by all of the amazing gifts, but by the people who took the time to actually travel in for the event. We had my Mom and Dad, and Nate and Krista in from Ohio, which is always awesome. Having Nate and Krista is the house means I've been laughing myself sore since they arrived. We have way too much fun together. Add Richard and Meghan to the mix, and things got truly out of control. They came in from St. Charles and stayed the afternoon before driving back so Richard could go to work. I've been battling a cough that seems worse when I talk or laugh, so I pretty much coughed the whole day. It was so worth it!
From the West, we had Jen traveling all the way from the Kansas (ew) side of Kansas City. Jen is one of those friends that I've had for so many years that just being in the same room with her makes me happy! We also spent the morning with lots of local family and friends, and I invite everyone who is able to stop by the house and see the nursery now that it's almost fully equipped. Just give me today to get everything put away!
Now on to the gifts. UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many cute onesies, and soft blankies. It was like Super Christmas! I get extremely excited about the handmade gifts, and there were some spectacular ones.
Krista demonstrated that she hasn't been working all summer (teacher) by arriving armed with like 47 packages. There was practical stuff, some of which she didn't understand why I would even want (car seat protector), some of which made me laugh a lot (breast cream), some of which made everyone laugh (pacifier with gold grill), and some of which was so thoughtful (painting, gorgeous handmade blanket). She went way overboard and that's the kind of aunt that Carmen needs!
Grandma Doris gave us this absolutely beautiful white and pink afghan. Seriously, it's breathtaking. I might have to hang it directly on the keepsake quilt rack. It's just amazing.
Grandma Kathy made her an awesome quilt too, as well as a lined hamper that is just precious. She is so crafty!!!
I could tell that my mom had had fun with her shopping and will continue to do so. The clothes she gave us were so my style and included a "Mizzou rules, Kansas drools" onesie and pacifier set. Mom also helped me cover the practical bases by giving us the changing pad and mattress pad we've been needing, and in a few weeks, we will have a brand new glider and ottoman for the nursery! Thanks Mom and Dad! OH! I forgot the diaper bag. I am madly in love with my diaper bag. I may start carrying it now. It is the coolest ever. No exaggeration.
Grandma Darla gave me the travel system that Carmen and I will use to travel the town. It's so cool that it defies description. Seriously, you'll just have to come over and play with it.
There were a bagillion other gifts that I LOVED, but I'm going to stop writing and go play with them now. Thank you so much to everyone who was there or sent wishes from afar. It was a truly wonderful day. Just 7 weeks to go, and we'll be able to meet the center of all this attention. We CANNOT WAIT!